It’s gonna be a chilly Willy Christmas Without my little letter from you My heart will turn bright blue Frostbit and split in two Pickle you really stole my heart When you scribbled me that letter, Twas a work of art Now if you don’t write me another one I’m gonna have to arm your school with guns Pickle can’t you see you’re tearing me apart You’ve kicked me while I’m down and it really smarts Nevermind writing a wishlist to old Saint Nick I’ll buy you anything that your heart can wish It’s gonna be a chilly Willy Christmas Without my little letter from you My heart will turn bright blue Frostbit and split in two Yes this Christmas just seems fickle Without my little letter from Pickle My heart no longer tickles All the red’s gone from my dimples Pickle you really broke my heart When you ignored my tweets it stunk like a fart Now if you don’t write me another letter I don’t think I’ll ever feel better Pickle can’t you see you’re turning me blue You didn’t give me what I wanted now I’m mad with you Nevermind posting Santa Claus I can spin the whole wide world in your grubby paws Now I’m not talking about Mike’s cat Dylan’s the only Pickle who can wear my hat Last year he wanted to be my friend Now I see that was just a trend Tell me Pickle what can I do? My holly’s just not jolly without you Pickle, I believe in you! I really do!

Christmas perils ahead for the trumps Christmas perils ahead for the trumps Ivanka May get dumped If Jared isn’t tuff enough To stick by her side After the emails come to light Emails come to light Christmas perils ahead for the trumps Christmas perils ahead for the trumps They’re calling it the Achilles heel Of this administration She used a private email For money making operations Secret business operations Christmas perils ahead for the trumps Christmas perils ahead for the trumps Profiting off of the government is the exact opposite Of what it says in our constitution Mr. President Won’t you show us your tax documents Show us your tax return documents Christmas perils ahead for the trumps Christmas perils ahead for the trumps That you now have Republicans Investigating members of the first family Is an indication Of the perils ahead Perils ahead for the trumps

Family’s gathered Round the tree It’s the last place I’d rather be Footballs playing up on The tv I tell grandpa He grabs a seat The Green Bay packers Vs. someone else I stare up at the elf on a shelf Just kill me now Just kill me now Before I throw a cow Just kill me now I make small talk It’s a chore I shouldn’t have bothered Less is more I say I can’t keep up With the players on the team He says he doesn’t pay attention Ever since they took a knee Just shoot me dead Just shoot me dead Put a bullet in my head Just shoot me dead Grandpa says The president’s right Quotes something he said at the rally The other night The guys who kneel during the national anthem Oughta be dragged out in the street And killed with handguns Shoot me in the street Shoot me in the street Protesting on one knee Shoot me in the street

The caravan is coming To steal all our toys Why else do you think they'd be bringing little girls and boys? They'll eat up all our candy & burn our wreaths to ash The only logical solution is to spray them with tear gas Build a wall almighty As wide as it is tall Patrol the border nightly If someone dies it's not our faults We must protect our white christmas from the feliz navidads Hit a mom or dad upside the head Separate them from their flock No one deserves a present Unless they voted trump & if they are not one of us they'll find a big black lump Instead of action figures & dollies The aliens get coal W/ a tiny note attached that reads "crawl back to your hole" Why does our leader torture them? Does he have no soul? Or is it that he hates himself? Maybe his brain's too dull If Santa Claus were president He wouldn't act like this Around the globe in just one night Bringing all children gifts The man is a saint after all, a non-profit pioneer Moving cargo via sleigh pulled by 12 flying reindeer There is no art to his deal Just simple whole-hearted joy In making certain every gift goes to each girl & boy No border wall can keep him out His sleigh ride gets sweet air Jumping over obstacles like nothing was ever there The North Pole's open border policy is really something else If you'd like to seek refuge down there, just call yourself an elf! So build a wall almighty As wide as it is tall Tomorrow we will knock it down Singing "Merry Christmas, ya'll!"

It was the spring of 2018 I never expected a thing An awful, terrible thing like that To happen to a guy like me I had just flown back from Mar-A-Lago Played some tees, with mr. T Said that’s my story and I’m sticking to it But I was talking about the stormy Daniels thing When I returned to my firm office They had raided everything Tossing over tables And flipping open laptops It was one ugly sight to be seen But my faith was not yet shaken When the noble president Called me a good man on my behalf And said the investigation was full of unfairness Yes it was a disgraceful situation That I had found myself in Pencil’s on the floor And paperwork all out of order It would take me months to get everything sorted Oh yeah That’s when the Donald did me a bad one And got on that fox and friends He said that I only did a fragment of his legal work Called me tiny, I became the laughing stock of CNN Hahaha I couldn’t believe my ears What a sorry excuse to hear I once said I would’ve taken a bullet for that man Then he turns around and stabs me in the back Then he turns me around and stabs me in the back But I did not shed a tear No not after all those years We were never really friends But it was sure fun to pretend Donald fired his lawyer And now I’m saving up rainwater Setting out buckets under the eye of any storm That’s raining truth and thunder And if the snow comes in a hurry Then I’m saving up a flurry I’ll be throwing snowballs at that ice cold snowman Come early Christmas morning It’s a reversal of fortunes For the big cheese and the little mouse I’m pleading guilty about lying to Congress Yeah I’m burning down the house And when there’s nothing left to burn Well then that’s the rainy snow water’s turn Dumping buckets on buckets over ashes to ashes It’s a lesson to be learned When the kangaroo court’s adjourned

Donald: It's Christmas time, my dear Vladimir And all the Russian nesting dolls have microphones in them It's Christmas time, Melania isn't here The fireplace is lit, so I'll pucker up my lips Vladimir: Say Donny, you're a special kind of guy And I hate to bring you down, but you're country thinks you're a clown Donald: Look Vladimir, the mistletoe is near And you wouldn't be so rude not to let our lips collude

I'm so proud of what I've done The Dems can't find no smocking gun For my daughters and my sons I stack each gold brick one by one They say there is collusion I say show me what collusion? I planned to take commissions But my plans did not fruition I'm number 1 best prezident So you better gimme what I want A shiny brand new border wall Or the government down it shuts Or the government down it shuts Enough w/ the confusion There's no Russian intrusion Just simple collegial negotiations To bring peace to all nations If you all just will behave like Santa asked you to Then no one else will get fired, at least not til Christmas noon I don't see why it would be I mean I don't see why it wouldn't be I said I can't see why it would be But I meant I can't see why it wouldn't be I could see why it would not be I can't see why it wouldn't be a Merry Christmas!!! I'm tired of hearing what they have to say Talking such trash on Christmas day They all wanna say I should be locked away Well Michael Cohen's the one who has to pay

Fred and Mary On the prairie There weren’t tall buildings then One Christmas night A star shone bright Helped guide the three wise men Mueller, Jared And Giuliani Came bearing many gifts But none as special As the family’s Real estate tax evasion The good lord did plant his potent seed Inside the fertile virgin Down from the heavens came his one true son Future president Donald John Trump Silent night and holy Salty as an anchovy His lude and crude rude attitude Would excuse all human folly Fred and Mary On the prairie A donkey for company Received the greatest gift That night A mangy orange baby So decorate your Christmas tree With mistletoe and gold And pucker up to kiss the ass Of a man wise and old The president is the lord’s son Some might say the second coming Down from the heavens up above He came strumming and humming “Fa la la la and holly Boy isn’t Christmas jolly? God blessed my mother Mary Anne So I could be part of Fred’s scam And now I return to take you all A rapture of sorts, with long decked halls That lead you to a new doomsday As planet earth whimpers away But do not worry, do not fear Remember I’m your savior dear Acting more crassly, mean and ghastly Than anyone else here Your sins pale in comparison To mine and this is why You must celebrate this time of year As I pardon you and I”

We wish you a merry Christmas & a happy New year from here at the White House At least the ones of us who haven't lost our jobs yet Treason's greetings from the TrumPs